Exhaustion.

We've been sick with some fluey cold virus - one of those colds that lingers, that is "more than a cold" with low-grade fever and body aches, but not sick-in-bed flu level either. All week last week, we struggled with it. And it bounced around among us - first Katie and Matt were sick, then I got sick. Jake seemed to do his usual: he fought it at a low level all week, and then, when I thought he was over it, they sent him home on Friday after a meltdown, with a low-grade fever.

I think we're all on the mend now, and the elderberry tincture I made and decanted seems to have helped considerably. Still, I'm just tired. With Jake, sometimes a virus means disturbed sleep and behavior, and it did mean that this time. He was alternately giggling hysterically and crying despondently. I had to give him Benadryl to sleep almost every night. I've tried melatonin; thus far it seems either not to have an effect or rile him up more. It's hard to tell. But within an hour, Benadryl takes him down to very calm and then sleeping. Even from complete freakout/hysterical crying. It's magic. We can use a very small dose just to take the edge off the freakouts during the day.

Now, I don't like drugging my kid, but at times I find it necessary for the sake of my sanity and his. I wish I could pinpoint what is going on biologically when he gets sick and out of sorts like this, but I can't, so right now that's the best I can do.

We're on the fourth day home - school is closed today but it's a teacher workday so Matt's gone - and my house is littered with tiny bits of paper he's shredded. But not too bad. And in between the difficult times he has been spectacularly lucid - interactive and playful; his language is surging forward; he's saying new things and wanting us to repeat them.

But I'm tired, and it's too cold to take him outside (5 degrees above zero here at the height of the afternoon). And I have work to do. It's going to be a long week this week; I'll volunteer tomorrow for half the day to cross-country ski with him; Wednesday Matt takes off work and we head 1.5 hours south for a dentist visit with x-rays (I need to get together a social story for this!) and a CF clinic throat culture; Friday I hope to have enough work done that I can head to Smuggs with Matt to snowboard until 2pm (he has a late-afternoon appointment there and it's 50% off for Vermont residents on Fridays). Not that I'm complaining; getting to cross-country ski and snowboard is always a good time. The juggle though, it's tough sometimes - and sometimes parenting just wears a person down.